For Ellen 🇰🇷
September 16, 2024
Four years ago today I had my last contact with my dear friend Ellen. It was the evening she passed away. When you lose someone close to you, you find ways to keep their memory alive. Silly insignificant things hold meaning in the context of loss. So my text strand with Ellen is still on my phone, though her icon has gone red, meaning “unreachable.” I post memorials of our time together as she always got a hoot out of the depths of my photo archive. And, this year, I would enjoy a Korean meal with her spirit in my heart.
My pilgrimage: Seoul Food DC
Ellen was a proud Korean, though growing up in a mostly white place within the strict traditions of her family seemed to cause some trauma. I say “seemed” because it is really not my place to make any declarations. Like all of us, her initial path was forged within circumstances beyond her control–all capacities of “being” in all the environments of development, in all the company determined for her–the epoch of young adulthood being the rebellion of or acceptance of such parameters, and the hope for balance within this spectrum given one’s individual emerging value set. It’s the journey–the tinkering of variables to enhance or offset past experiences. Anyway, this had us finding each other in the same space and time… and finding a fit. In your youth you think this happens or will happen often, but looking back decades later, you really can count them on one hand.
Ellen was a proud Korean, yes. I remember her annoyance when a stranger approached her and began to speak Mandarin.
How I knew Ellen was here with me… I walked in to see this big Sonic Youth poster within the framed art pieces on the wall. Ellen loved NYC. And Sonic Youth in the 90’s was NYC, if the proper noun can become an adjective for a moment.
I wanted something more traditional. I went with the Korean Fried “chicken” & cucumber bibimbap, their signature fried tofu “chicken,” cucumber kimchi, brown & white rice blend, mixed greens, shredded carrot, daikon & red radish. It was heavenly.
Dessert: The beautiful Pistachio Cardamom cake was made of pistachio, almond milk, spinach, coconut oil, orange blossom extract… such a lovely ending.
Rest in Peace, Ellen. We miss you down here.
